The One Where Ray Allen is Worse than Johnny Damon

Hey,

I’m sure you’ve all heard about Ray Allen by now. Either you are a Seattle fan who is searching him for some feel good memories, a Celtics fan who is searching for any more answers and or hate literature, or a Heat “fan” who is looking forward to his services.

Or you are reading this in the future and looking back and laughing because Rajon Rondo drained a three-pointer over him to advance the Celtics past the Heat to face the Thunder in the 2013 finals.

Or Not.

But I’m not here to imagine what the year is going to look like. I’m here to compare Ray’s choice to other New England athletes who moved on, to the enemies.

Ok, Phil Kessel to start, just because he is nearly lowest on this quick list. He may have been traded and not have decided himself to be moved to that particular team. But He publicly complained and boasted about not wanting to play defense in Claude Julien’s scheme. So we showed him the door, and it the long run, it helped us more. Thanks Phil!

He was still traded to a rival in the Toronto Maple Leafs. There could have been worse teams he could’ve gone to. I love when we play the Orioles (2003-2011)… I mean the Maple Leafs, we get to walk all over them and flex our superiority to them (for now).

Next: Adam Vinateri*. (spelling)

He signed with the Patriots biggest rival at the time, and for what reason? We had the better coach, the better quarterback, the better fans, the better offense. And he left for the indoors…? Best guess. He did win a ring with them. But I believe he could’ve had more had he stayed with the Patriots, a team and franchise that did nothing wrong to him. Except play in New England during the unbearable months.

Not our fault there. No one really got the advantage, except for maybe a Super Bowl drought?

Really?! None in 8 years? I wasn’t even that old when we won our first? Jeez, some teams…

Another: Johnny ‘Bleepin” Damon

Our idiot…. Yes, he was a fan favorite, yes he may have helped spark a 0-3 comeback in a 7 game series. But the Yankees? The New York Yankees?

We thought better of you Ray… I mean Johnny. We loved you, our women would do anything to get with you, you hairy sex beast. And what? You cut off your locks and got a couple more bucks? You are the only one to blame there.

And now… Ray… Ray, Ray, Ray….

We now can’t say your name when we are playing basketball in school, we can’t even look at your picture with Garnett and Pierce. We can’t forgive you.

Yes, you are in Webster’s under ‘classy’ but low blow this time. Your family was settled here, on and off the court. We had you in our minds throughout the second halves of every game, hoping, praying we’d see you gracefully kill the other team’s hopes at the buzzer. That’s all gone now.

That’s gone south, way south, South Beach south.

To Miami, for less money, with less playing time regardless of the schmoozing and promises they gave you. We had a spot for you here. Every fourth quarter, every last timeout, everytime.

We loved you Ray, and you tossed it in your suitcase when you boarded that plane to Miami. For less money, a lot less money.

You’re to blame on this one Ray, all class aside, your fault, not ours.

-Lomonte

PS:

Darnell MacDonald on the Yanks? I’ve been waiting for us to get rid of him since 2010… and now he was picked up by the Empire. The Evil Empire.

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