Pumped Up Kicks


Contrary to the title, this post’s song is Pump Up the Jam by Technotronic.

I got new gym shoes today. Now this is good because my old ones were giving blisters. These aren’t like the best shoes either, they were cheap and comfortable. They’re light too which is good because I don’t need anything slowing me down.

I’m not a good basketball player by any means, in fact my best asset to the team I’m on when we play pick up, is the distraction. I run around and then make them think I’m good at shooting threeeeeeeeees but really I’m not.

4d119712c401b.preview-300The picture to the left just about sums up my basketball skills perfectly. Now, I can get on the pick up teams easily, I hit the free throws or the 3s when we’re shooting for teams but once the game starts I might as well be playing against the Monstars form Space Jam, I’m awful.

And don’t even get me started when I drive to the hoop. I just don’t fake anyone out, I can to 3 up fakes but they always know when I’m going to actually go up and get blocked before I leave my feet.

Then when it comes to dribbling like A.I., I just can’t. The only person’s ankles I break are my own. I try to dribble a little bit fancy and boom the ball is stolen like a bank from the Town. I’m a real Jem (watch the movie).

My defense however, is worse than the rest of it. I think I have quick hands like Avery Bradley but, nope I do not. To make matters worse I don’t know what is a reach in and what is not, so I’m pretty sure 4 out of 5 is a foul. And 10 out of 10 times I’m getting posted up, that person makes a shot or gets a foul. Sucks to suck.

One thing I am good at is distracting, so if I pretend to drive then I can kick the ball out to the 3 point line and hope that someone makes the catch and shoot work. Few say I’m the next Magic Johnson; those few are usually 10 year olds but hey I make them look like 5 year olds out there.

That’s a good step too because one day those 10 year olds might be in the NBA so I can say I posted up so and so or I dunked on whoever on an 8 foot rim. I’m not proud of playing to win against my brother’s friends but hey they were asking for it.


+I’ve never played against my brother’s friends yet, but they’d probably be better than me.


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